Never Kiss an Earl at Midnight: How to Reform a Rake Read online

  Victoria drew in a ragged breath. “You were so young. You didn’t—”

  “How old are you now, sweetheart? Eighteen?” He shook his head against hers. “If only I were more like you. Protecting your sisters and your father. I was a beast.” He fit her closer to his body. Somehow her warm touch made the words easier. “My brother was the heir, the intelligent and thoughtful boy. I was bounced from school to school. I wasn’t good at it and I often caused trouble because of it. I see that now. The only thing I was ever good at was defending my brother. Next to that, I was useless.”

  She snaked one arm about his neck. “Did they say that to you? That you were useless?”

  “Far worse.” He didn’t look at her. Instead, he inhaled her scent. There was a hint of cinnamon that reminded him of Christmas. “I’d been expelled from Oxford. I sincerely tried to keep up with the syllabus, but the words…they dance on the page for me.” He grimaced, his head dropping. “When I returned home, my mother and I had an awful row. I was to be cast out, cut off, unless I could do one thing correctly, keep my brother safe. I was to accompany him to the bloody bookstore.”

  He drew in a deep breath. “What I didn’t understand was that my brother hated having me as a keeper nearly as much as I hated doing it. I was already in a foul mood and when he told me to leave him the hell alone, I listened.” How would he tell an innocent woman the next part? “Once we got to the village, I left him. I found a village girl and we got drunk. Fall-down drunk. I didn’t go home that night.”

  “You stayed with the girl?” she asked quietly.

  He opened his eyes then. She was staring up into his. “Victoria, there are things that happen between a man and a woman—”

  “I’m aware of the act of coitus, as well as the frequency with which a man of your reputation might indulge.” She stated matter-of-factly, though she nibbled on her lip once the words left her lips. “The only thing I have questions about is how a man specifically triggers the desire in a woman. Can any man do it?”

  He nearly choked. “No. Some men are better at it than others.”

  She drew in a sharp breath. “That explains my reaction to you. You have a set of skills.”

  All thoughts left his head as he stared down at those lips. She had a reaction to him? A physical one? He stared down at her. Of course, he’d known that already. But to hear her say it, well a man could forget his good intentions.

  She pinched his cheek with the hand still resting there. “You left Edmund?”

  He blinked back into focus. “It was spring. The winter had been nasty and the rivers were flowing high and fast.” The next words came out in a rush as he closed his eyes again. “He got into a fight with two other boys. While they were tussling, he slipped on the bank, fell into the river.” He squeezed his eyes tighter. “The other boys, they tried to help him. But the current was too strong. They found his body two days later.”

  Victoria gasped, her arm tightening about his neck. “My father found me the next morning in the girl’s bed. He beat me to a bloody pulp and informed me I wasn’t his son, never had been and he’d be damned if I’d take his title. Apparently my mother had an affair with a notorious rake. He said it was in my blood. All I would ever be good at was drinking and whoring. He was right.”

  She took her hand, that had been resting on his cheek, and slipped it down his neck skimming along his skin. Slowly, she wrapped her fingers behind his ear, then threaded them into his hair. “I don’t believe it,” she said.

  He opened his eyes. He’d half expected hers to be full of disgust. She’d see now how useless he was. Not even a real lord and or a human being of worth. “Every word is true.”

  “I don’t believe that you are to blame for your brother’s death. You are as much a victim of cruelty as he was.” She tightened her grip on his scalp, her gaze locked with his. “My mother has always been vain and selfish, but she wasn’t cruel, not until the last year. And the damage she has caused in that time has been near unbearable. I can’t imagine what it would have been like to grow up with parents like that from such an early age.” She kissed his cheek, then the other. “You deserve to know what it’s like to be really loved.” Leaning back, she looked into his eyes. “You compared yourself to me. But it isn’t fair. I grew up in a family that had real love, despite my mother. My father, he cared deeply for us. And my sisters. We love each other fiercely.”

  Key drew in a shuddering breath. His arms like iron about her waist. He wanted to believe every word. He wanted them to be true. And perhaps they were. “That only proves my point. You know what love is. You should marry and find real happiness. You’ve a chance at it, Victoria.”

  He heard her choke. “You don’t think you do?”

  He shook his head. “I don’t.”

  His words slammed into Victoria’s gut. No one had ever loved him. And no one ever would if he kept pushing people away. Determination bolted through her. “But there must have been a woman who would love you?”

  Key shrugged. “How would I love her in return? I’ve no idea how. I’d likely just destroy her the way I did my family.”

  He believed those words. She could hear the truth ringing in them. “You didn’t destroy your family.” She stamped her foot. “Your parents did. With their cruelty, their selfish behavior.”

  He stepped back then and Victoria felt the distance like a physical blow. She hunched over as the cold air hit her midsection. “Who’s to say I won’t do the same to my family? You said it yourself. No one has loved me and no one taught me how to love.” He took another step back. “I’m not asking you for pity or help. I just want you to understand why I am the way I am. I won’t drink while I help you but don’t ask anything beyond that of me, Victoria. You’ll only be disappointed.”

  Then he turned and left. Victoria wrapped her arms about her middle. Disappointed? Did he not see what she saw? A man who was helping her and her family out of the goodness of his heart? Disappointed? She doubted it very much…and honestly, she took those words as a challenge.

  Straightening, she clenched her fists in her skirt. Kenneth Kissinger, challenge accepted.

  Chapter Ten

  Lily paced in front of Victoria. “You want to do what?”

  “I want to teach him that he’s capable of love,” Victoria proclaimed. “You heard the part where he wants to help me marry. You know he found the nurses.”

  “Yes, yes.” Lily batted the words away with her hand. “I understand all of that. What I don’t understand is how you propose to show a drunken rake how to love. I mean, what does that even mean?”

  Victoria shrugged. “That’s the beauty of it, I think. In helping us, he’s giving without receiving and ultimately understanding what love is, which will really be a gift in and of itself.”

  Lily sat in a nearby chair, her hands coming to her face. “That made my head hurt.”

  “I just mean by giving to me and helping me to find a husband, without expecting anything in return, he will learn that he is capable of love.” She gave her sister a smile. “He’s doing that already but I need to show him that he is and prove to him that he already understands how love works.”

  Lily dropped her hands. “That I understand but I am not sure I agree. He likes you, Victoria. More than is appropriate, I’d say. He may, in fact, expect some things in return. You know the sort of things rakes expect from women. Spending time with him is a mistake.”

  Victoria tilted her head in thought. He was far more handsy than was acceptable, but she rather liked it and she blamed his rakish past. He was used to touching women. But they’d been alone on multiple occasions and he’d never tried to kiss her. “I don’t think so. He seems genuine in his willingness to help and he’s been more or less a gentleman.”

  “More or less?” Lily raised her brows as she sat up straighter. “What does that mean?”

  Victoria looked at the wall. “Oh, you know.”

  Lily narrowed her gaze. “Enlighten me.”
r />   Victoria took a long breath. She needed to say this delicately so that her sister didn’t grow concerned. “He has simply put his arm about my waist. A bit forward but…” She smiled brightly.

  Lily nodded. “Max did mention that.” Then she stood again and resumed pacing. “Try to understand that while I appreciate why you are doing this, my first concern is with you. I want your future secured and I don’t want your attempts to help Key to jeopardize your future.”

  Victoria stood and crossed to her sister. She reached for her hands. “I’m sorry you’ve had to take on the responsibility of matching us. I can’t imagine how difficult that is for you.”

  Lily squeezed her hand. “There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you. You know that.”

  “I do,” Victoria notched her chin down to look into her sister’s eyes. “Imagine if we didn’t have each other. If no one cared. We’re lucky, Lily. I want to give a small part of that to him.”

  Lily let out a long breath. “It’s risky, Victoria.”

  She shook her head. “It isn’t. If Key ruins me, Max will see us married. He already said…” she lowered her voice to sound like Max, “there will be a magistrate at your front and a pistol at your back.”

  A little giggle escaped Lily’s mouth. “Max said that? He puts on a good show of being fierce, doesn’t he?”

  “He’s done a marvelous job of caring for all of us. We’re lucky to have him.”

  Lily looked up at the ceiling. “The nurses begin tomorrow. There is a dinner party tomorrow night. I’ll accept the invitation and make sure Key is on the list. He’ll help you, you’ll help him.” Lily let out a loud sigh. “Lord help me if this is a mistake.”

  “It isn’t.” Victoria squeezed Lily’s hands one more time before she let go and gave a small clap. “On the bright side, you get your wish. I am going to try to make a match.”

  Lily quirked a brow. “Just to be clear. You are only really attempting marriage to help Key.” Then Lily tapped her chin. “Why not just marry Key? Then you can teach him all about love.”

  Victoria’s heart jumped into her throat. It was a lovely idea, which surprised her. “He’s made it fairly clear he isn’t interested.”

  Lily rolled her eyes. “Take the advice of your married sister. They never want to marry.”

  Victoria didn’t answer as Lily kissed her cheek. “I’ll go respond to that invitation but think on my words.”

  As her sister left, Victoria went back to her bed to lie down. Was that true? Key had told her the memory that haunted him. He held her in his arms. Then she sprang from the bed. Surely there was a reference text that would tell her how to decipher the signs of male arousal. Then she could know for certain that he wanted her.

  She’d have to check some reference books, but she couldn’t do it now. It was too likely she’d be seen. The library was still in shambles from the night before and staff was in and out of the room. She’d wait until that night.

  Key stepped out of his room and into the darkened hallway. Honestly, he felt awful. He’d fallen asleep and missed dinner. His head pounded and nausea made him sway on his feet. Also, he desperately wanted a drink. His tongue was parched with thirst for the taste of whisky.

  Making his way down to the kitchen, he managed to stuff some bread and milk down his throat before he headed back upstairs. He didn’t want to return to his room, it would be a long, lonely night, sick as he was.

  He wondered if Victoria would know if he snuck a single drink? How could she? He’d seen a decanter in the library the previous evening. There was one in Max’s study as well, but he’d have a much easier time explaining his presence in the first location.

  He walked into the dark room and squinted, holding up his candle. The staff had made great strides in putting the room back together. Crossing over to the table in the corner, he saw what he was looking for. A decanter of brandy.

  The candle sparkled off the crystal and he stared. The amber liquid inside looked so inviting. But he didn’t pick it up. He’d made a promise and he hated to break his word to Victoria. She’d held him in her arms and listened to his most painful memory. At the end, she hadn’t even judged him. In fact, she’d said the words his heart had longed to hear his entire life. That he deserved love.

  His hand shook as he set down the candle. He raised his hands and scrubbed at his scalp letting out a groan.

  “Key?” Victoria’s soft voice trembled along his skin. “Are you all right?”

  He whipped around, guilt tugging at his stomach. “I don’t feel well. I thought…” The words died on his tongue.

  Victoria said nothing and he swore his tongue swelled in his mouth. Like he’d swallowed cotton. Was she disappointed? Angry? Then she opened her arms, still holding a book in her hand. “It must be so difficult.”

  He didn’t hesitate, he stepped into her embrace. How did she know exactly what he needed to hear? As their bodies touched, he felt how right she was against him. He gathered her closer and dropped his nose into her silky strands of hair that had been loosely plaited. He wanted to undo it, run his fingers through that silky mass of brown hair. “I’m fine,” he murmured against the top of her head. “It was a moment of weakness. Nothing more.” Damn it all, he didn’t want her to see him like this. His stomach ached with regret.

  Victoria nodded into his chest, squeezing him tighter. As she did, her book dug into his back. “I’m glad you resisted.”

  Threading his fingers into her hair at the base of her neck, he tilted her head back. His body clenched with desire as his fingers ran along her delicate skin and silky hair. “What is that book digging into my back? Is it about garden birds?”

  Even in the dim light, he saw the rash of red that flamed in her cheeks. “It’s n-n-nothing.”

  What was it? Using his other hand, he reached behind them both and snatched it out of her grasp. She gasped and reached for it, knocking it out his hand and onto the floor. It flopped open with a thud. Damn it all to hell if it wasn’t a picture of a naked woman. “What the—”

  “Don’t,” she gave a strangled plea, her voice choking, as she jerked from his arms and bent down to snatch up the book, slamming it closed.

  This time, he gently reached for the book, but she didn’t let it go so they both stood there holding its leather cover. “I’m not judging. I’m sorry if it sounded that way. I told you one of my darkest secrets today. You tell me what you hoped to find in that book. It’s only fair.”

  She looked down at its cover. “I wanted to know how I could tell if a man wanted me.”

  Understanding dawned as he let go of the reference book and grabbed her free hand instead. He spread out her fingers and placed it on his chest. The conversation, her proximity was wreaking havoc on his body. “Since you’re the type of woman who likes to study, I’ll give you some concrete examples. His heartbeat will likely accelerate from the excitement.”

  “Oh!” She thrummed her fingers on his chest. “That is good.”

  “His pulse will quicken, eye pupils might grow larger, and…” Key knew he wanted Victoria, but he liked and respected her too and he wasn’t sure if he could share the last one with an innocent.

  “What?” she asked, moving closer. “Tell me.”

  “Well, when a man is aroused his…” He looked up at the ceiling, the words momentarily sticking in his mouth. “His member gets larger.”

  “Oh.” Her fingers tapped again, like she was thinking that through. “But how would I know that it was larger and not the normal size?”

  Bloody bollocks, that made his member rock-hard. “When a man is not aroused, he is soft.”

  She tilted her head to the side. “And this is obvious?”

  “Very,” he managed to push out though his voice sounded rough and craggy. He had, consequently, forgotten all about feeling ill.

  “Interesting,” she whispered and her hand began to slide down his chest. He closed his eyes for a moment relishing the touch until he realized her int
ent. She was going to test his assertion. Reaching for her hand, he stopped it on his stomach. “Victoria,” he grunted. “I promised Max that I would keep my hands to myself.”

  “You are. It’s my hands that are doing the wandering.”

  His heart stopped, stuttered, and then began beating again. “That is technically true but still. It goes against the spirit of the promise.”

  “Would it help if I said you were helping me to find a husband? I do best when I’ve properly studied a subject.”

  He slackened his grip on her hand. Not because he was giving her permission, but because all the blood drained from his head straight to his cock. “Victoria,” he begged. Was he asking her to stop or to keep going? He didn’t even know.

  But as her hand slid down his fall-front trousers, her fingers brushed along the granite edges of his manhood. “Oh, that is quite hard. Like bone.”

  He let out a groan as she continued the exploration, feeling his length, squeezing its firmness. His breathing came out in shallow gasps as he clenched his fists at his sides. He wanted to grab her hand and press it harder to give him some measure of relief from the torture but he’d allow her to explore at her leisure. “It’s normally,” his voice broke like a damn school boy’s… “quite soft.”

  “What does the skin feel like?” she asked just above a whisper, her voice filled with wonder, as she gave his manhood a small squeeze.

  He pressed into her palm, despite his best effort to keep still, then grit his teeth to rein himself back in. “Woman, you’re trying to torture me.”

  She jumped a little. “My apologies. I can be rather singular in my focus when I wish to study something.” Then she slowly removed her hand. “According to the book, women can enjoy the act too. Is that true?”

  Key was losing control as the blood rushed through his veins, pounding in his ears. He reached for her neck, that long, beautiful silky neck. Wrapping his hand about it, he pulled her closer. “Yes. Now it’s my turn.”