Christmastide with my Captain Read online

  Ravenscraig stood as well. “Call me Haggis. Near everyone else around here does. You’ll find them in the west wing of the castle. It’s a bit dusty but it’ll keep ‘em warm and dry.”

  With a final nod, Jack turned to go.

  He spent the day helping men acquire rooms and dry out their clothing. They’d taken little more than themselves off the ship, so some personal items were necessary.

  Jack learned that the Earl of Ravenscraig, Haggis McDougal, did in fact have three daughters, one of whom had just married and the other had gone to visit a cousin south of here. A letter had arrived only two days prior that Ainsley was being courted by an English lord and that he’d be joining them for Christmastide to formally request her hand from Haggis.

  Thinking back to Emilia’s sleepy murmurs, he wondered if she felt inferior to her sisters. She’d described them as though they were more spirited and interesting than herself.

  He hadn’t met them, of course, but he had a difficult time believing any woman was more exciting than she was.

  As night fell, the storm hit the castle. Rain whipped at the old stones as wind howled, echoing throughout the halls. Jack tried to sleep, but after tossing and turning he finally rose. He’d been so busy, he’d hardly had time to reflect on the castle in which he was housed. His uncle, a laird with an impressive expanse of land, had a much simpler stone home. While he loved that old house, this was truly impressive.

  He’d maneuvered about several halls, and around more than one suit of armor, when he came across the servants’ stairs in the back of the castle. Making his way down, he thought to find the great hall once again to regain his bearings to his room. But he must have gone down one flight too many because he found himself below stairs near the kitchen. What was more, the sound of pots and plates being moved about definitely wasn’t due to the storm. He approached the doorway slowly and peeked his head inside. What he saw near made him laugh out loud.

  Emilia stood in the kitchen, a simple braid in her hair, a night rail floating about her body, and a tartan draped across her shoulders as she fixed herself a heaping plate of food.

  “Hungry?” he called out.

  She jumped a foot in the air and sent the contents of her plate sailing across the large room. She turned quickly and he watched as fear dawned into recognition and then quickly to merriment. “You frightened me,” she admonished with a quiet laugh.

  “My apologies.” He gave a bow. “Let me help you clean up the mess.”

  “Thank you,” her eyes sparkled in the dim light. “Would you like something to eat as well?”

  He stood from where he had been collecting bits of food. “That would be lovely, actually. In the rush of getting everyone settled, I forgot to eat today.”

  “So did I.” She gave him a grin over her shoulder as she pulled down another plate and began loading it with food. “I was sleeping and missed most of the meals for the day. Now I am famished and wide awake.”

  “Are you feeling better?” He came up behind her then. He wanted to touch her, hold her like he had before.

  “Much, thank you.” She gave him another small smile over her shoulder. “What tempted you out of your room this dreary night?”

  “The storm kept me awake and then I couldn’t resist the lure of the castle. I had to explore.”

  “Interested in the castle?” She turned, two plates in her hand, and handed him one.

  He nodded, allowing his enthusiasm to filter into his words. “It’s like being in a boyhood fantasy.”

  She quirked an eyebrow, her eyes sparkling again. “I know the perfect place to eat this.”

  They’d been walking up a winding set of stairs for what seemed like forever, though Jack didn’t really care. In one hand, Emilia held a plate, in the other a candle that made her night rail nearly transparent. The view in front of him would have propelled him forward for days. The sway of her hips as she climbed had him mesmerized and he wished again that he could touch her as he’d done earlier. Hold her against his body. He wondered what she might taste like. Sweet or savory?

  “We’re almost there,” she called over her shoulder.

  Jack gave a nod, his insides tightening further. The urge to slip his hand into her hair and turn her face to his so that he might capture her lips near overwhelmed him.

  As a man of the sea, he’d met a great many women in ports all over Europe. He’d tried to remember when one had affected him so. If he were honest, as he assessed her tiny waist and the flare of her hips, he couldn’t seem to picture any women other than her. How could this be happening?

  She stopped, a pang of disappointment turning down the corners of his lips as her hips stilled. “Hold this,” she said as she turned to hand them him the candle. As she did so, their fingers brushed, hers soft against his own callused hands. A need to touch every inch of her palm then kiss it made his chest tight with desire. This was a mistake. He shouldn’t be alone with her like this.

  If discovered, they’d be married for sure. And while he didn’t care a wit about his freedom, or even his boat, he’d give it up to be with someone like her, it wouldn’t be fair to Emilia. She deserved a real husband who could give her a good life. A man of nobility. Not one with less than common blood.

  She turned away again. “Hold the candle up,” her breathy whisper had his groin tightening to an almost painful state but he did as she asked.

  Then he heard the click of the lock as she slid it open and the door swung in. Stepping into the room, he held the candle up to see windows on every side of the circular space. Beyond, he could just make out the ocean as sheets of rain peppered its dark surface. “What a view!” he exclaimed, unable to hold in his excitement.

  “Aye,” her soft bur was just behind him. Thoughts of her the only thing more exciting than climbing to the top of castle’s tower to watch a storm. “It’s one of my favorite places. Small, beautiful, and private in a home that is vast and full of people.”

  “You don’t like the castle?” He turned back to find her just behind him. Setting the candle on the window ledge, he couldn’t resist reaching his hand out to run it down her silky braid.

  She shrugged. “I love my family. The library is exceptional and my room is an oasis, but I’d much prefer a more intimate home. Just myself and my family with books and…” Her voice trailed off, her chin tucking into her chest.

  Jack thought about her chamber, cozy with blankets and stacks of literature. It suited her and for a wild moment, he pictured her at his uncle’s home with its big hearth and wood beams. His hand slipped down the end of her braid and came to her waist. “I can see you in a cozy house, books everywhere.”

  Even in the dark light, he could see a blush staining her cheeks. “It’s just a dream, really. It will never happen.”

  “Why not?” He didn’t mean to but he was pulling her closer.

  “I’m not…that is to say I don’t…no man wants to be with me…I mean, my sisters have all found their loves…” She turned away then, slipping out of his grasp.

  How could she think herself inferior? It was maddening. He’d likely sell his soul to possess a woman such as her. “Emilia,” his voice was sterner than he intended. “I haven’t met your sisters, so I can’t say for sure, but I tried and have been unable to remember a woman who was braver or more charming than you.”

  “Oh,” she whispered, turning toward a window. He couldn’t see it, but he’d bet her blush had deepened.

  He should stay over on the other side of the room, eat his food, and then go to bed. Women like Emilia were not for him, they were for princes and dukes. But he couldn’t help himself and so he set his plate down, crossed to where she stood, and reached for her waist once again. So tiny.

  By sheer will, he did not press his body to hers, but he did drop his nose down to the top of her head, breathing in her heady scent. “You deserve the world. Don’t let anyone tell you different.”

  There was a part of her that wanted so desperately to
believe him. She was a woman to be valued and desired. But all those years of being overlooked as men courted her sisters instead had her shaking her head in disagreement. “That is kind of you to say.”

  “I’m not being kind,” his husky whisper tickled her neck as shivers raced down her spine.

  Out on the ocean, she’d only noticed his piercing blue eyes, and as they’d been pressed together, she’d felt his strength, but in the kitchen she’d become aware of the hard masculine angle of his jaw, the softness of his lips, the perfection of his straight nose. She longed to touch his hair and run her fingers along the hard ridges of his muscles. Struggling to think of a response, Emilia stared out the window. She wouldn’t repeat her insecurities. It only made her sound needy. But she couldn’t agree either. “Thank you?”

  He chuckled, his lips vibrating against her skin and then he kissed the sensitive flesh just behind her ear. The apex of her legs began to ache in the most curious fashion. “You’re welcome.”

  One of his hands left her waist and slid up her arm, over her neck, and to her jaw. Slowly he turned her face to meet his. Her lips parted for some reason she couldn’t name. Did she want to ask him what he was doing? Beg him to kiss her? She wasn’t sure but it didn’t matter because his lips dipped down to hers and softly, like the caress of a butterfly, brushed against hers.

  And then he was gone. Backing up, he picked up his plate and gave her a tight smile. “Thank you for the taking me up here. I’ll never forget it.” Leaving the candle, he made his way to the door and disappeared.

  Emilia stood there, just as he’d left her, wondering what had just happened. Why had he kissed her and then left? Would he still be here if he hadn’t?

  Not knowing what else to do, she sat upon the floor and took a bite of her food. While she still wished to have his company, she wouldn’t change a moment of this evening, especially the kiss. She thought of her cousins, Clarissa and Agnes, along with her sisters, Fiona and Ainsley. Each would come home with a man whom they loved. But her heart didn’t ache so much when she thought about it. She’d had a moment of her own.

  What would it be like to be held against Captain Andrews…Jack? Just the thought made her body heat and ache at the apex of her legs.

  She didn’t know how long he would stay here at the castle with her, but some part of her wished that it might be forever.

  Sighing, she rose from the floor and picked up her plate and her candle. She wasn’t likely to sleep any better, but it was time to stop meandering about. She took one last look about the room, one of her favorite places and thought about how she’d shared it with Jack.

  It was strange, because in some small way her Christmastide prayer on the beach had been answered. Even if all they ever shared was that kiss, she’d found a hope and some strength in herself she didn’t even know had existed.

  With a smile, she made her way downstairs.

  Chapter 3

  That smile was still there when she rose the next day. It bubbled into a happiness that made her feel light and so strong. There was a spring in her step as she made her way down to the common room, a sway to her hips she didn’t normally possess.

  With a house full of guests, she’d expected the great hall to be full, bursting with people, but not a soul was there. Not even her father.

  After eating breakfast, she made her way to the library. While the winds had quieted, the rain still pelted the shore and it was the perfect day to curl up with a book.

  The moment she passed into the library, her eye was drawn to the corner of the room. Sitting near the fire was Jack, holding a book. Her heart jumped in her throat.

  “Hello.” He stood, setting his novel down.

  She blushed and gave a small curtsey. The kiss they’d shared had transformed her, but when faced with him, she didn’t quite know what to say.

  He cleared his throat. “I wanted to apologize for leaving so abruptly last evening. I was worried I had overstepped my bounds and—”

  “You didn’t.” She moved tentatively toward him. “Overstep, that is.” Moving closer still, she took a breath. “I have two cousins and two sisters, each of whom is bringing her betrothed or her husband home for Christmastide. Having shared that kiss with you, I can stand straight and smile at their happiness.”

  “Emilia.” The way he said her name sounded like a groan.

  She licked her lips, taking another step. She probably should keep quiet, but she was usually mum and she just didn’t want to be now. For once, she wished to shout her feelings from the top of the castle. “I don’t want you to think I’m not glad for them. I am. But I had started to worry it would never be my turn.” Lifting her hands in front of her, she silently begged him to understand. “Nor am I asking anything of you. I just want to thank you. Even if it was only meant as a thanks for yesterday, it helped me to know that I want—”

  He crossed to her in two long strides and, before she knew what was happening, he’d swept her into his arms and crushed her against his body.

  His lips crashed down on hers. Last night’s kiss had been soft. A whisper of a touch. This kiss set her to blaze. His strong lips claimed hers over and over as her body melted into his, held up only by the strength of his arms. If he hadn’t held her, she likely would have slipped to the floor.

  As his hand travelled into her hair, his lips parted hers, and his tongue slid across her bottom lip. She gasped as her hands grasped at his shoulders, desperately holding onto him.

  Then his tongue probed deeper and Emilia lost her ability to think, to reason. All that mattered was he kept kissing her, touching her.

  As his tongue made another pass, she mimicked his movements, wanting more from him, needing to give. He groaned deep in his chest and it reverberated through her. She’d love to feel it without the barrier of their clothing.

  One of her hands slipped off his shoulder and, moving up his neck, found his bare skin, her fingers playing along his flesh. She heard him groan again and then he gathered her closer still, lifting her off the ground so that her mouth was even with his.

  Wanting to feel more she dipped her hand below his cravat, the hair of his chest tickling her fingers in a way that made her both want to giggle and moan. One of his hands slid down and cupped her behind, pulling her hips closer. She did moan then, long and low as their bodies rubbed in all the best places.

  “Jack,” she managed to breathe out between kisses.

  But his name on her lips seemed to jar him. He slowed, then stilled, then set her down and took a half step back. His eyes filled with alarm. “I apologize. I shouldn’t—”

  Her hands grabbed at his shoulders. “If you say it, I’ll be forced to…” She couldn’t think of what she might do. Couldn’t bring herself to make a threat. It wasn’t in her to hurt someone, especially not him. “I’ll…” She tried again. “Don’t apologize. I don’t want to think that you regret it.”

  “I don’t regret it.” He pulled her closer, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “I’ll never regret it. It’s you who should wish for me not to touch you. I’m a sea captain, gone most of the time. I could never give you the life you deserve.”

  Her chin tucked down as his words sank in. Of course he was right. A captain’s wife would be difficult at best with a husband off at sea most the time and she would be alone, never knowing if or when he’d return.

  But in her heart, she didn’t believe that was actually the reason he regretted kissing her. He’d likely found her lacking. Tears welled in her eyes, but she wouldn’t cry. It was her turn for regret. While yesterday had emboldened her, today sent her crashing down, as though knocked over by a wave. “I should go,” she murmured, not meeting his eyes.

  Then, slipping out of his arms, she turned and walked away. He didn’t try to stop her and, keeping her shoulders straight, she refused to look back. She didn’t allow a tear to spill until she’d made it well into her room.

  Jack watched her go, everything in him crying out to call her back. He cou
ldn’t, of course. He’d told her it was because he was a captain, but that wasn’t the real reason. Once upon a time he’d loved being at sea but that had faded with his youth. It was tedious and dangerous and he’d trade it for a quieter life in a moment.

  The reason that he couldn’t allow himself to touch Emilia again was because he was born under a bad omen. Even the man who’d given him his name had grown to hate him. Emilia deserved better. Not fit to muck her stalls, let alone share her bed. But he could never share that with her. If he had to watch her affection die as she learned what he really was, he’d perish with her feelings.

  The enormous castle felt tiny as he prowled around it, trapped by the rain. His sailors had all tucked themselves into their rooms, likely enjoying large beds and private spaces, but he couldn’t relax. Some part of him hoped he’d find her again if he kept moving about, but Emilia was nowhere to be seen.

  He even found the stairwell to the tower. It seemed a longer journey to the top without her in front of him. He couldn’t help but hope he’d find her when he’d climbed to the watch room, but when he arrived, it was empty.

  The rain-swept sea was all that greeted him, the view now dismal rather than majestic as he thought of all that he wished his life could be.

  “Bloody bullocks,” his teeth clenched. Unable to stand it any longer, he made his way back down the tower, intent upon finding Haggis.

  The man was in his study working over ledgers. It was an odd sight, watching a man that large fold himself into position, hunched over books, a tiny pen grasped into his giant hand.

  Though the door was open, Jack knocked upon the frame. “May I come in?”

  Haggis waved him forward, tossing the pen on the desk. “Thank the saints ye interrupted. If I had ter write one more line, I might have broken the desk in half.”

  Jack gave a low chuckle. “I feel that way about being inside. Which is why I may brave the rain and go in search of a mast. Any thoughts where I might begin?”